One of the many stupid feelings humans are capable of having is the private, repulsive rage of seeing someone getting support and sympathy for a problem no one helped you with when you were having it, either because you didn’t have anyone or because it never occurred to you that you could ask for help. Suddenly the world seems to split into two – the realm that contains people like them, the connected and loved – and the realm that contains you, the miserable and the alone, who must suffer in solitude. This is sufficiently horrible that you grasp for reasons or world-understandings to make this reality acceptable, and a mentally available one is that it is superior to be in the miserable solitude realm, that the problem is one that should be solved with self sufficiency and dignity. That this other person is pathetic for being aided and loved when you were not. Scorn is more palatable than confronting the notion that you could have received aid (if you had made different choices or been luckier), that you desperately wish you could have been aided but were not. Scorn is more palatable than the howling hunger for things to have been different for you. So your mind chooses scorn.
It is also a bad place to be. Human existence is full of such traps.
Small kids will look up at you and with no prompting be like “umdidjyou no dat um one time my mommy and me um we um we we we went to da zoo and when I was dere um last summer we went to da zoo and didjyou no what was dere? A koala I seen those on Wild Krats.”
Like wow you have no idea how conversation works but boy are you giving it your all - I will stand here and look mildly surprised the whole time and when you’re done I’ll say “really?” And you will nod and look so victorious.
I have a tendency to choose boyfriends that turn out to be more than a little unstable, besides emotional abuse I've even been hit a few times.
It's getting harder and harder to convince myself that I'm not at fault. Maybe my subconscious seek out men that are willing to step over the line or maybe they can see it in me?
I'm asking because you are honest, what do you think?
We’re all at fault for something, kiddo. Unless you exist in a volitional vacuum, you are a...
My new boyfriend is really vanilla and made fun of me (in the not hot way) when he found out I have a piss kink )-: since when did it get lame to piss on your girlfriend ????
I don’t usually jump to this conclusion, ‘cause you never know with people, and I’m getting only...
